I have created you. and gave a heart that longs for me. Unless you seek me, and dwell in me. You would never be fulfilled.

But even as so, this heart i gave you blesses you. Because ultimately you will know that i am the one that is the most important. I am the one that you should please.

If this was your last they on earth.. What would you do?
(what a cliche question.. but this is of great value)

If what you are doing today.. isn’t what you would do if this is your last day on earth..  and if it is something that you are not enjoying.. then why continue doing it. (but, yeah.. don’t take it to the extreme)

I think we ought to enjoy life more. Perhaps not in a way that we just play  (playing game is somewhat draining to me) our life away.. but maybe.. to take time off to do something we enjoy.. just for the love of it..
or perhaps we need to learn to enjoy life as it self..

So what is something that you have always wanted to do.. and haven’t been doing because you are too busy? perhaps.. you could try having some fun..

heh.. been trying to explore writing poem. and yes. It definitely served me well, helping me express myself better..

I realised, my friend (20 oct ‘09)

Hello, Goodbye. The days went by.
I never realised
A part of me; a shadow behind.
I never realised
The Good that completes my good ole days.
I never realised
My smile tonight.
I realised

That though you don’t know me
and can not be by my side always.
You are my friend, my gem, my joy.
I realised.

off with the facade, off with your everything (24 oct ‘09)

Oh, what youthful Pride!
Oh, what eagerness to prove himself
Knowledge, wisdom adn even morals
He tried to show that he was someone special

Oh, what insecurity!
Oh, what lust for glory!
Seemingly righteous and even true
He kept a covetous heart for the talented

Oh, what broken soul!
Oh, what a disheartened!
Till he bring a humble heart
Till he come home naked
He shall neither know life nor joy

why so downcast, o my soul..
why so disturbed within me..

who would understand…
i don’t even understand..

i think i’m crazy

tut..tut..tut..
the motor of the boat died again..

Sam looked back at it as he withdraws his fishing rod.

“Man! How many times does this stupid motor have to die on me.” sam thought to himself

He made his way slowly to the engine box at the tail of his small boat. He didn’t feel like starting the motor once again.

“whats the point? its gona die again anyway..”

Sam had been long out at sea. Faithfully casting his rod, hoping for a great harvest. Well, its not that he hasn’t caught any fish, in fact, he has caught quite a few.. but his catch wasn’t satisfying.. He questioned himself, asking if he wasn’t contented.. but it doesn’t seem to be quite a satisfactory answer for him.. And most importantly, this fishing business has worn him out..

As the sun retreats back into the shadows, casting a beautiful and soft pastel colour in the sky.. Sam wondered was it time to head back home.. He was tired..

Sam looks at the engine box.. and gave a loud sigh.. He wasn’t sure what is his motivation.. he pulls and pulls and pulls… the motor coughed…the propeller started rotating… and he continues on; on his lonesome journey..

eureka! admist all this questions.. I suddenly realised that.. I don’t need to know so much.. all i need to do is to trust that God would direct me and obey what he ask me to do!

And I was thinking about what i like to do.. I realised i like to listen to people talk.. and to befriend people.. (but then.. i’m not exactly extroverted.. it really tires me out)

I don’t understand it anymore.

Recently, i’ve been thinking.. i’ve been thinking real hard.. and i’ve been thinking too much.. Matthias said is was quarter life crisis.. perhaps its so..

One of the many questions on mind is, how is my life gona work out.. What Job should i get? how would i do in it? How is my job gona help me fulfill the great commission? What part of the great commission am i tasked to fulfill?

Another question is what is my role in my cg? What is it that God want me to change? How do I CHANGE things? What about  media ministry?

With all these questions without an answer.. I’m completely lost.. I don’t know what is the next step..

I have so much more motivation to do things.. but the problem is.. I realised that there’s so much to do.. that.. i don’t know what i should do.. and… how to go about doing it..

Hmmm i guess i’m quite confused.. i don’t even know if i make much sense.. or if i did explain clearly what i feel…

(edited)
oh and.. another “problem” is that the implication to all this is that..
Whatever it is, I need to grow in love.
Well you see, if i can’t stand the world being selfish, i need to be selfless first. and. haha its kinda hard..

Why did spiderman not want to talk to batman?

Cause he’s a bat friend!!

And the Lord spoke to me.
“Give careful thought to your ways.”

Oh.. and I finally got my assurance letter from NTU..

I guess it is about time i count my blessings. And like any other thanks giving, I shall begin by saying that God is faithful!

Thank God for (studies):
- Helping me get a B for History. This is a big miracle considering the fact that i got like 30+/100 for midd yrs and 40+ for prelims.
- Helping me get into ADM with the result of BCE. And not that impressive portfolio.

Thank God for (army):
- Being there  with  me through the difficult and emo times
- Only got confined for 3  sats (2 for the 1st 3 weeks in army, 1 for field camp)
- Off on  my birthday even when it is a thursday
- Being PES A enhanced batch, and got to be a RP!
- RP duty that allows me time to read, learn, think.. (only 4-5h a day)
- Nights out! that allow me to meet ppl
- Special approval (somehow) to go off early for CG!
And for the icing, yesterday i was feeling drained. So I was writing  on my journal that, how i wish i can have a day of retreat. And TODAY! 3day MC
How can i keep from singing you praise…