My portion is You and I’m more than blessed.

I guess it is about time i count my blessings. And like any other thanks giving, I shall begin by saying that God is faithful!

Thank God for (studies):
- Helping me get a B for History. This is a big miracle considering the fact that i got like 30+/100 for midd yrs and 40+ for prelims.
- Helping me get into ADM with the result of BCE. And not that impressive portfolio.

Thank God for (army):
- Being there  with  me through the difficult and emo times
- Only got confined for 3  sats (2 for the 1st 3 weeks in army, 1 for field camp)
- Off on  my birthday even when it is a thursday
- Being PES A enhanced batch, and got to be a RP!
- RP duty that allows me time to read, learn, think.. (only 4-5h a day)
- Nights out! that allow me to meet ppl
- Special approval (somehow) to go off early for CG!
And for the icing, yesterday i was feeling drained. So I was writing  on my journal that, how i wish i can have a day of retreat. And TODAY! 3day MC
How can i keep from singing you praise…

simple.

Love God. Love People.

Caught in the mercy fall out..

A hardened heart breaks my heart…

Christianity 101

Our Ministry is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Shepherding is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Speech is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Worship is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Desire is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Relationship with people is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Eating habit is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Sleeping habit is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Thought is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Sermon D is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Caregroup is a product of our relationship with Christ
Our Caregroup atmosphere is a product of our relationship with Christ

Basically, Our Life is a product of our relationship with Christ

When u least expect

joseph says (10:10 PM):
how…
joseph says (10:11 PM):
1 more hour
and i’m back
-jiajian- says (10:11 PM):
DONT COMPLAIN

LOL!!!!!

The Lord has begin a new work in my heart

Was feeling really aimless and empty the past.. Week? Everyday seems so pointless, boring.. and well..  Living this kind of life seems to be more of a burden.

I felt so deteched from everyone.. Perhaps, its because i don’t make the effort to hang out with my random friends.. but i really felt.. well.. excluded..

And with all this free time to stone.. I beginning to wonder and think about my life.. I realised that my passion to impact the many people around me have faded.. and i’m just so lost about what i am doing.. and.. yeah.. what am i exaclty doing with my life? Things are so aimless.. that i feel like i’m just existing because i’m living.. I never felt so.. directionless before..

And then, I realise that.. God has stripped away every other thing that i hold dear to.. And he want me to live only for him.. try to understand this.. its a very complicated concept..

Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)

⁴ Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I think, God is drawing me to know and really follow this concept. My delight (the place where i find satisfaction) has to be dwelling in the pressence of God. And the truth is that the only true satisfaction we can get in life is when we are being in God’s pressence. That is to talk to him, spend our day with him! We are created (programmed) this way. And that is why nothing we can find can ever find can fit this need to commune with God. This is the real desires of our heart.. That is again, to delight ourselves in the LORD.

That is to say, “We will get the desires of our heart (God), if we find satisfaction in God.” I think this is something that we keep forgetting. Nothing else satisfy other than God. And we would be fools trying to find sth greater than God to enthrone in our lives.

And saying that, I’m really afraid of something.. i’m afraid that.. 1 Corinthians 13:1 ^“1If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”

I talk a lot.. I know a lot.. I could.. impress a lot.. but.. do i impact alot? This is troubling.. I realise i have been just doing my job.. and saying things i know.. but have not truely loved..  I do not have this heart-breaking longing to see people in my area of influence coming to know God.

Recently, i was listening to this sermon. And this pastor was saying that.. We should never want to build a church (cg?) because we want to use this church to plant another church. Many times, (well, even as we never evaluate much, but that is the truth if u think hard enough) we want our group to grow big… just because we want it to grow big.. We want to break a new cg.. beacuse we want to break a new cg.. This strucked me. The pastor went on saying that, the reason that compells us to want to plant a chuch must be because we have a burden for people in this particular community (school?) that we want to change. I think that we must feel heart broken for them, seeing them lost in this dark world. And that we want to be the light that bring them home. To this city of refuge.. back to God… where they can be safe and saved..

Another thing that struck me is that.. People are really going to hell.. i mean.. Hell, to me, is like nothingness.. and that really freaks me out.. and.. people are really going there.. how can we not be concern? how can we fee like.. oh too bad.. if.. people rejects Jesus.. how can we… sleep peacefully at night.. knowing that the classmate seating beside us.. is going to hell..

I need this kind of love and compassion in my heart. And I’m lacking in it. Though I love my sheep, but i need to love those who are yet saved.

Even as i say so much.. I really really need to remember to love.. I don’t want to be a “resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” I know i’m going to be judge against what i preach. Even so, I want to love. And love is a decision, not a feeling.

(edited)
oh! and you know.. sometimes we are so caught up in fulfilling our goals (including, hitting ‘x’ amount  for our cg), we lose sight of the big picture. That is simply, to touch lives.

sian..

i feel so sad…. just give me some time… i don’t want to be the same..

Breathe..

Chill Jo.. chill… Whatever will be will be.. Be still and know that I am God..

Psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

I like how they put it. Everytime you worry (doubt God), you are actually being an aethist.

What am I living for?

This is a very commonly pondered upon question. And this question keeps coming into my head in army, where i have so much time to stone and  think about life.

I finally understood why people feel so bored in army. After being withdrawn from all the business and ‘duties’ of life.. I guess many people are left empty, with these two years in a status quo.

Ahh.. and i have to admit that i’ve been whining, feeling bored and no life in army… And thats so wrong!!! God has placed me here for a reason.. and i need to find him..

and perhaps i have found it, with the time that i have.. i can do what i do best… Think! And i guess its been quite fruitful.. thinking about how i have been living my life.. and to really talk to God..

I just hope that i would be focus and use my life for God in the midst of my army life.. and you know.. I realised that there’s so much more i can do and so much better i can do..

Bahh…

I’m so confused now.. Things never seem easier.. (or perhaps i need to be more joyful and contented)

As i go about trying to solve the problems.. (or let is solved itself.. or perhaps just thinking about its solution..) It gets more and more complicated.. They seem so unsolvable..

I’m so tired… I really am..